this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
