He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
