I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
