we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
