I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
