Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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