Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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