this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
