Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize