We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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