I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
