I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
