I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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