Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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