he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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