He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
