Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
