Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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