The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
