Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
