Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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