I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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