Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
