I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
