WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
