You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
