Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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