I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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