You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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