i barfeds in our rink
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
