We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
