He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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