The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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