imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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