It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
