Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
