Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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