I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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