the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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