i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
