she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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