he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
