It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
