There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fuck appropriateness.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize