My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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