Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
