I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
