Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
