I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
