just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
