ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
