I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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