after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
