saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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