She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
