Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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