His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
