So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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