At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have post one night stand depression
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